Random Crap

Got this hilarious breaking news story (from MS newsgroup):

NEW YORK – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. “Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzales said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they have some common factors and we believe we have found a common denominator”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Allergic To Sperm (from Tera) – Question 1: Almost every time my boyfriend and I have sex (we are monogamous), I get a vaginal infection about a day later with itching, discharge, and some pain. Could I be allergic to his sperm? / Question 2: I am in a committed relationship with my girlfriend. Recently, whenever I ejaculate during sex, she experiences irritation and burning in her vagina. Use of a condom prevents this but she is allergic to them too.

Hoe Down (from MS newsgroup) – how fast did the tractor have to be traveling to actually drive the hoe that deep into the bridge?

Addicted to YouTube – video wasn’t too interesting, but was very cute. I always imagined and dreamed about my stuff animals moved around when I’m not looking. Be right back, gotta go get my Pikachu.

Crazy Indian Music Video (from MS newsgroup) – pretty funky dancing in this music video. Apparently the male lead singer is often called India’s Michael Jackson.

One-Letter Ticker Symbols on NYSE – this started off when Jeremy and I saw that Nabisco/Kraft had a cracker called Cheese Nips. I was then wondering who made Cheese Its (apparently spelled Cheez It). Turns out it was Kellogg/Keebler and while looking on Kellogg’s wikipedia page, I noticed its ticker symbol was K. I was curious what the other one letter ticker symbols on NYSE was. The only other one I knew was T = AT&T. After find this page, we went down the list. We saw some letters have been decommissioned while there were 2 that were currently reserved. Reading more, it turns out that they are holding it for 2 different companies to move over from the NASDAQ: The Chairman of the New York Stock Exchange has publicly said that he is holding the symbols “M” and “I” for two companies he hopes to convince to switch from Nasdaq to the NYSE — Microsoft and Intel.

Barats and Bereta: Auto Insurance (from DeadLock) – a hilarious reenactment of why males and under 25 have such high insurance premiums.

Blind man sentenced for dangerous driving – A blind man who was convicted of dangerous driving after he admitted being behind the wheel of a car that touched 35 mph was given a three-month suspended sentence on Monday.