Author: Krunk

Got this hilarious breaking news story (from MS newsgroup):

NEW YORK – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. “Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzales said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they have some common factors and we believe we have found a common denominator”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

Allergic To Sperm (from Tera) – Question 1: Almost every time my boyfriend and I have sex (we are monogamous), I get a vaginal infection about a day later with itching, discharge, and some pain. Could I be allergic to his sperm? / Question 2: I am in a committed relationship with my girlfriend. Recently, whenever I ejaculate during sex, she experiences irritation and burning in her vagina. Use of a condom prevents this but she is allergic to them too.

Hoe Down (from MS newsgroup) – how fast did the tractor have to be traveling to actually drive the hoe that deep into the bridge?

Addicted to YouTube – video wasn’t too interesting, but was very cute. I always imagined and dreamed about my stuff animals moved around when I’m not looking. Be right back, gotta go get my Pikachu.

Crazy Indian Music Video (from MS newsgroup) – pretty funky dancing in this music video. Apparently the male lead singer is often called India’s Michael Jackson.

One-Letter Ticker Symbols on NYSE – this started off when Jeremy and I saw that Nabisco/Kraft had a cracker called Cheese Nips. I was then wondering who made Cheese Its (apparently spelled Cheez It). Turns out it was Kellogg/Keebler and while looking on Kellogg’s wikipedia page, I noticed its ticker symbol was K. I was curious what the other one letter ticker symbols on NYSE was. The only other one I knew was T = AT&T. After find this page, we went down the list. We saw some letters have been decommissioned while there were 2 that were currently reserved. Reading more, it turns out that they are holding it for 2 different companies to move over from the NASDAQ: The Chairman of the New York Stock Exchange has publicly said that he is holding the symbols “M” and “I” for two companies he hopes to convince to switch from Nasdaq to the NYSE — Microsoft and Intel.

Barats and Bereta: Auto Insurance (from DeadLock) – a hilarious reenactment of why males and under 25 have such high insurance premiums.

Blind man sentenced for dangerous driving – A blind man who was convicted of dangerous driving after he admitted being behind the wheel of a car that touched 35 mph was given a three-month suspended sentence on Monday.

I first saw this article: Chinese furious at star’s toilet humor and it got me searching for the video. There were tons of blogs and photos, but no one seemed to link to the video itself. I did happen to find random clips of the show online, but nothing regarding the toilet bashing.

From the article:

Jessey Meng, who made a name for herself as an actress and a television presenter in China, joked about mainlanders’ toilet habits to a chorus of laughter from fellow guests on the show “Red Storm” last week.

“Many mainland toilets don’t have doors and even when they do, most people don’t even shut the door!” Meng said.

She regaled the host with a story about a toilet in a Chinese city where she had seen “hundreds of pale bottoms all lined up in a row.”

Equipped with just the English name of the actress and the show, I went on to find the Chinese counterpart:
Jessey Meng: 孟廣美 (孟广美)
Red Storm: 紅色風暴 (红色风暴)

As I mentioned before, I was unable to find the video anywhere, until I landed on a bittorrent file from YYTv0. There were split into 2 parts (apparently this talk show was broadcasted on sepearted days). After downloading the first part and watching it all the way through, I didn’t find the part where she bashes China’s toilet. Although I was disappointed, I did see a hilarious clip:

A Time Sex Thing (Is Work Safe, but requires understanding of Mandarin)

They have a Chinese phrase and were told to translate it. Before this, it was giving the real definition for uncommon Chinese sayings. So when they were asked to translate 一次性用品 (which refers to paper plates and plastic forks), I thought it was going to be something like one time use. Turns out they were going for the funnier aspect with the direct/literal translation:

一次: One Time/A Time
性: Sex/Gender
用品: Goods/Things

which ended up with: A Time Sex Thing

Jessey goes on and asks if she got this from the internet, but it was actually a photo submitted by a viewer from a supermarket. Jessey then tells her about her experience when she was somewhere in China and someone was selling dry goods. In Chinese, dry goods is called 乾貨, however, being in China, they use simplifed: 干货

Here’s what makes this funny, the simplified version 干 has 2 traditional counterparts: 乾 (dry) and 幹 (do).

Just like Engish, do can refer to multiple meanings including to kill and to have sex with (to f***).

So, underneath the Chinese writing, it said: F*** Goods

The chubby Chinese guy was hilarious mentioning One Night Stand (which was actually pretty pretty close to the real answer) and converted 乾貨 to 跟貨 or 跟者我的貨 (follow me goods).

Now back to the original topic, I downloaded part 2 of this talk show and finally found the clip that had Jessey bashing the toilets in China:

Red Storm – Jessey Meng – Toilet

I honestly didn’t think even think the insults made were that mean. It was funny, I’d agree. I mean she was talking about back then too, although she did say that currently if you walk into a ladies rest room, there are still 2 or 3 out of 10 stalls where people don’t bother closing the stall doors, but this was obviously made out as a joke. I mean even the government has to tell their own citizens who are travelling abroad not to not spit or litter in public areas to give foreigners a better impression of them since it’s sow common in their own country: Guidebook spells out etiquette for tourists. Also an article regarding why foreign counties don’t particularily lke travelers from Mainland China: Chinese travelers’ bad manners earn a chilly reception

If you want to watch the entire video, you can do so here: Red Storm – Jessey Meng, although it is ~200MB and if you’re watching it in your browser, it may take some time to start.

Random Crap:

Xerox reveals transient documents (from /.) – This offers the prospect of reusable paper in the sense that the content is automatically erased after a period of time, ready for fresh printing. Inspired by the fact that many print outs have a life-span of a few hours (think of the emails you may print out just to read, or the content you proof read on the train journey back home), the specially prepared paper will preserve its content for up to 16 hours. Someone brought up an interesting point in regards to contracts with disappearing ink.

Motorist jailed for blowing up speed camera – Craig Moore, 28, took his revenge on the camera, which had flashed him in the Hyde area of Manchester, in August 2005. Although the camera itself was badly damaged, images of him speeding and returning to destroy the evidence were stored in recording equipment in its unscathed base. I don’t remember if I posted this article before, but if I did, this one now has the picture of the blown up camera.

Michael Paulus :: Skeletal Systems (from Cari) – A character study of 22 present and past cartoon characters. A pretty interesting yet creepy site showing familiar characters such as Hello Kitty, Pikachu, Charlie Brown, Power Puff Girls, etc and what their skeletal structure would be like. (for a moment there, I forgot what PPG were called, and I searched for Bubble Girls; DO NOT SEARCH FOR BUBBLE GIRLS!)

What the Bagel Man Saw – He had also — quite without meaning to — designed a beautiful economic experiment. By measuring the money collected against the bagels taken, he could tell, down to the penny, just how honest his customers were. Did they steal from him? If so, what were the characteristics of a company that stole versus a company that did not? Under what circumstances did people tend to steal more, or less?

Apparently Berkeley now has a class called Basic Study of Magical Creatures 101 (from Esca)

N.Y. woman wins $1 million lottery again – A woman who won $1 million from a state lottery game four years ago has improbably hit the jackpot again. … A lottery spokeswoman verified Wilson was a Cool Million winner in 2002, but declined to confirm her latest win until a planned news conference. There have been only two previous repeat million-dollar-plus winners in the lottery’s history, according to the state. This really got me thinking about playing the lottery…

Auto-eroticism undoes driver – A Slovak driver who crashed into a bus shocked rescuers who found him unconscious and half naked with a vacuum pump on his penis.

Mass hysteria in children after snake killed – Dozens of children have fainted, apparently because of mass hysteria, after school authorities in Nepal killed a snake, considered as sacred by many Hindus, witnesses said on Thursday. At least 67 students, aged between nine and 16 years, have had fainting fits since Tuesday in the mainly Hindu country, they said. As FuzzyWuzzy says, “Where’s Samuel L Jackson to yell. IT’S SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!“

About 3 weeks ago, I opened my microwave for the 1st time and I realized something… it didn’t have a turn table. I’m like, they still make microwaves like that!?!? I believe all the microwaves my dad’s ever purchased had a turn table. By turn table, I mean there’s a dish that rotates inside when it’s microwaving so you dont have to stop midway, flip your burrito over and continue microwaving. Anyway, it looks like I’ll need to pull out my microwave from my storage room.

Random Crap:

Kids buy lunches with scans of fingers – Rome City Schools is switching to a scanning system that lets students use their fingerprints to access their accounts. In the past, students had to punch in their pin numbers. When did we get rid of lunch cards?

Telephone telepathy — I was just thinking about you – Each person in the trials was asked to give researchers names and phone numbers of four relatives or friends. These were then called at random and told to ring the subject who had to identify the caller before answering the phone. “The hit rate was 45 percent, well above the 25 percent you would have expected,” he told the annual meeting of the British Association for the Advancement of Science. “The odds against this being a chance effect are 1,000 billion to one.”

I was driving this morning and on a license plate frame of the car in front of me, the bottom said “Not A Magician”. The font on the top was smaller so I had to drive up closer to read it, and the full sentence said:
I’m A Beautician
Not A Magician

Have you seen the new show on Nick Jr. called Lazytown? Isn’t Nick Jr for like kids 8 and below? Anyway, it’s about this bright pink girl that dances to techno music. Here’s some example videos:

• You’re A Pirate
• Bing Bang
• Take a Vacation
• There’s always a way

Police: Man robs bank to be ‘supported’ – Police said Gaetan Roy had just lost his job, so he came up with a plan: Rob a bank, hang around, then get taken to jail to be “supported.”

Cell phones found inside four prisoners – “Each one had a cellular with a number of chips,” Arevalo said, adding that one also had hidden a charger in his anal cavity.

Sodium Party (from /.) – I’d read about, and heard stories about, throwing sodium into water. It’s a classic thing chemistry students do in college, and based on the reports I have been able to find on the internet, they are often drunk at the time. What do you get when you purchase 3.5lbs of solid sodium metal (~$100), have your own private lake, and an experimental mind? KABOOM! Do check out the videos and pictures he’s posted.